"In my fight to continue to be me, I had forgotten what love truly means."
This line jumped out at me from an article written by Dennis Erford at TOBA Blog. It seems that we have three options when it comes to getting along with other people:
- accommodating ourselves so that we appear to be getting along and avoid friction and disapproval;
- refuse to accommodate ourselves and insist on our rights
- seek the greater good for the other and for ourself.
Erford's article is a wonderful reflection on how he in the context of his marriage came to the realization that what he really wanted truly was the third option, though it was much easier to get by with the first.
We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
– C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Eventually we are forced into a choice. We start to go bad. Relationships start to sour. Options dry up. Dreams begin to crumble. If we haven't made a choice for life, for change, for authenticity before this point, this experience of the possibility of losing it all is a wake-up call, reminding us of what we truly want. As Erford concludes: "So ask yourself, regardless of whether you are dating, married, or neither, what you can interiorly change to help those you love encounter Christ and lead them to Heaven. And for those in (or hope to be in) a dating relationship, I would like to give some advice. If one is not willing to change while dating, they will not (barring a life-altering event) change when married, and if they are not willing to change, they are not willing to love you to the fullest. In other words, if someone you are dating tells you they will not change, RUN! This is the type of change that we can really believe in: changing for the sake of love and the salvation of souls."
Read Erford's whole article here